just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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