dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
