I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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