I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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