she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
