Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
