Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He better not be in your backpack
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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