the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
