do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't deserve a penis
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
