so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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