weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
