dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
