apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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