I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
