I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
