White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize