never play flip cup with pint glasses
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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