Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
