Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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