Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
