Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Randomize
