so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
