I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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