quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
