When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
