Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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