the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
