addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
