I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
