I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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