Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
