Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
