I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
