my mouth tastes like poor choices
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
