i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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