I need help removing her.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
