we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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