he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
