he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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