To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You made out with two different species that night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
