So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
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You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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