i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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