BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
