so explain again why im purple
no
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
