just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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