whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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