I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
