Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
