I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
