but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
