eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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