Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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