i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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