dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
