The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
