Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
