Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
