Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
