My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
