i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
