Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
