There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Randomize
