Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize