fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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