whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
