The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
