Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
