question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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