the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
