Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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