Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
