3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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